It’s On, Bitches! (And Buck-Hounds. And Labrador Whelps)

So, this morning I surpassed the 330 follower-mark on Twitter. This means that I now have the necessary signatures to get onto the ballot. Assuming all of those pornbots are London-based.

Shit just got real. (Sidenote: shit is always real. Very real. I can attest to that after a messy night out with Gove, Lansley, and Danny Alexander last night. Shit is very real. And sewerage is very real. Very real and very necessary.)

So, now we move on to Phase 2: raising the £10,000 deposit. There will be some hugely exciting news about how you can actually give me your real money at the manifesto launch in a couple of days time.

Remember, I’m the least worst offer you’re going to get. The least worst by far…

Electoral Fraud in London!

Campaign artist, Mr Beau Bo D’Or, has been examining the pictures he made, and has decided that the hairline wasn’t entirely honest. So here are some new versions, if you’d prefer to have me looking slightly more experience, more elder-statesmanlike, more bald.

Take. Eat. (Don’t eat. Any attempt to eat a digital image file will end in you having to pick shards of LCD screen from your bleeding mouth. I learned this the hard way.) This is my face, broken for you…

See, that's more what it looks like...

...Although I'm not sure it's any more 'truthful'...

...And the exclamation point just emphasises the baldness...

Like anyone enjoys being groped by a baldie...

You can almost see the clammy hand of death on my shoulder

And the poster that started it all!

Tomorrow Starts Now!

Manna From Heaven!

Prepare your eyes and loins! Visual materials have arrived.

Vote Bowler 2012!

And, for the more excitable amongst you, there’s this version:

Please vote Bowler 2012!

There’s also this (which I like to think of as Triumph Of The Willy):

Why won't you vote Bowler 2012?

Or this:

You people are scum...

And this one:

I hope something dreadful happens to you...

And the big one that started it all:

Fine. Be like that. Whatever.

Take. Eat. This is my big, fat face rendered in vector art for you. Do with them what you will. And make me Mayor.

(Thanks to Beau Bo D’Or for the posters, and to Monica Sablone for the photo they were based on.)

I am superb!

Right.

Ken has pledged that he will only ever have one job if he is elected Mayor. I have decided to go one better.

Read his pledge: http://www.kenlivingstone.com/my-pledge-to-londoners

Then read mine:

I pledge you this.

Ball-rattling stuff.